Wednesday Musings


February 25, 2009 by esarsea


It’s raining.

I miss my Dad today.

Some days are like that.

It was raining the day I watched my father being loaded into the black station wagon parked in his driveway.  He was a good man who I loved and respected.

It’s rather ironic when I look back. I remember being thankful for the rain, and the camouflage it provided my face at the time. Today it falls as a mean-spirited and spiteful reminder.

Washington State is a lousy place to live if you find the rain depressing.

I’m not typically prone to melancholy moods, and this too shall pass. It’s been nearly 10 years now. Most often my reflections are securely footed in acceptance, and positive fond memories. Come tomorrow I’ll probably look back on this post and feel a tinge of embarrassment that I even wrote about this.

All in all I guess it’s good for me to revisit these emotions, so I don’t forget what my wife is dealing with now. She lost her Dad just 2 months ago. Sometimes I forget that…

Funny how stuff like this works. I feel better already. I’m going to go wrap this up and send an email to my wife – and tell her I love her.

6 thoughts on “Wednesday Musings

  1. billie789 says:

    Damn, man. You just squeezed me in a place I’ve been squeezed for the last few weeks.

    My parents. My Pop’s been gone for 19 years now and I’ve actually managed to start forgiving him for a lot of the foolish shit he rolled through when he drank and when he fought with my mohter and when he wrecked cars or got into fights and finally left one day.

    Part of my deal is that I’ve learned so much since he died about what it must have been like for a 12 year old to helplessly watch his mother die from an accidental gunshot wound at the farm. He was with her. Then, as a 20 year old drafted during WWII into the infantry jungle fighters in New Guinea. Vicious, nightmarish action against the Japanese. Hand to hand combat, Bonzai charges. Made the best men go absolutley, fucking insane. Finally, as a highway patrolman assigned to Price Canyon in southeastern Utah, where, according to my mom, he spent the early years of their marriage picking up body parts from the frequent wrecks in a steep, narrow canyon that tested the skill and brakes of every truck and car that traveled that way.

    I miss my Dad, too. And I really feel for him now. I wish I could have understood him better when I had a chance to look him in the eye and just listen.

    Damn, Stu. Now I need a break…

  2. rsr348 says:

    Thanks for sharing, guys. I haven’t lost a parent yet, but remind myself each day that the time is not far off, and I try to treasure every phone conversation and visit, and am so greatful my children have been able to know them. There are things I can blame them for, as far as I turned out, but, as you say Bill, I have grown to understand where they were coming from at the time. It’s much nicer to appreciate the good memories.

    Rain definitely depresses me, though of course I appreciate the neccessity of it. As gorgeous as Washington state is, I’m not sure I could deal with too many gray days. I’ll take the 6 inches of snow, below zero temps and sunshine we have here today!

    Seems to have been a long week for everyone. Wanted so much to let the whole fam play hooky today, but we can’t, so off to work I go. I’ll have to check out the JB review later. Looks interesting. Can’t make it to the Milw. concert coming up, but hope I can see a show soon, as I have not made it to one in quite some time. Have a nice weekend!

  3. Da Goddess says:

    Rain hits me oddly sometimes, too. I love it, but there are times when I hate it with a passion — brings memories with it, unbidden, unexpected.

    Sometimes you just gotta let it out, let go, let the melancholia do its thing.

  4. philosophyofmind says:

    Your wonderful and penetrating image along with your thought provoking post – reflects for many of us the emotions we sadly have to experience.

    A wonderful and heartfelt post.

  5. Stu says:

    Thanks for the kind words. I can’t take credit for the image though. I just did a Google image search for, “Rain on window” (or something like that) and found it.

  6. jan says:

    I just posted a rain-on-the-window picture the other day (I’m always late to the party, you know). Rain makes me melancholy sometimes too, but I love it anyway. I love walking in the rain and stomping in every puddle I can find. I haven’t lost either of my parents yet, but I haven’t always been very close to my dad, and there are a lot of reasons that I could decide to never have anything to do with him, but I don’t. I just figure there was enough feuding between my grandfather and my aunt, I don’t want things to end between me and my dad the way they did for them. I’ve done my best to learn to value, respect and love him while he’s here.

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February 2009

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