Autumn arrives quietly and alone


September 23, 2010 by esarsea

Autumn brings the cold damp ache of emptiness. Oppressive exacerbator of loneliness. Shorter days, longer nights, still alone.

Muffled voices from the all-night TV no longer provide indifferent companionship. The bed refuses to cooperate; no comfort in sleep’s escape. Couldn’t I have passed first, or at the same time? It was Autumn then too, raining.

Solitary stranger in the mirror looks back, expressionless. Memories of emotions never again. Turn away. Shaking hand wipes a silent tear. 

Once young with dreams. Questions of purpose fulfilled. Love, regret, resolve, acceptance.

Autumn arrives quietly and alone.

7 thoughts on “Autumn arrives quietly and alone

  1. torqdog says:

    Did you author that Stu? NICE! :-)

    Autumn for me brings most notably, allergies……. BIG TIME! Between the Rabbitbrush and Sage, my nose, from sneezin and blowin is as red as Rudolph’s and probably hurts allot more.

    • esarsea says:

      Yeah I did, thanks.

      Spring used to bring allergies for me, but as I’ve gotten older I seem to be less susceptible to them. Thank goodness!

  2. Da Goddess says:

    Beautiful and sad. But definitely beautiful.

  3. Bill says:

    Nice thought, Stu. The leaves are changing on the mountainsides near our house and although I really like this time of year it’s got a certain growing melancholy tone to it. I keep telling myself that the faster we get through the next season and the next and the next, the faster things will improve for us all. I’ve been saying that for 3 years now and I’m only closer to the finish line than “better times,” it seems.

    Anyone into gold prospecting? Randy, where is the Mother Lode in Nevada or even a place I can drive to on the week end and pan?

    • torqdog says:

      Bill, the “motherlode” here in Nevada is more commonly known as the Comstock. It is the area in and around Virginia City. VC was known for their massive silver deposits though some gold and lesser minerals were also found.

      Panning for Gold requires what is commonly refered to as “free gold”, gold that is actually in the favored metallic form. Unfortunately, Nevada’s gold for the most part is tied up within the matrix and requires special processing to seperate it and doesn’t pan very well. I think you might have better luck driving either north to Idaho or east to Colorado. Also, you might try researching the Jawbridge region in northeast Nevada. Any place where placer mining took place is a good place to start looking.

      Here’s some info on placer mining;

      When I lived in California, I dabbled a bit in both panning and running a dredge. It’s hard work! Gold is heavier than the surrounding rock and sinks to the bottom…….. the bottom being the bedrock beneath all that streambed rock. There, if you’re lucky you can find it in the nooks and crannies.

      What we found to be a more rewarding, easier method was using a metal detector. Researching, we found out that back in the early stages of placer mining, the trommels on the large dredges had small 3/4 to 1 inch in diameter holes because they didn’t think any of the nuggets were larger than that 1 inch size and thus were tossed back onto the tailing piles. We found a few tailing piles that never were reworked and were rewarded with some pretty nice nuggets. A friend of me Pop found one that weighed over 6 ounces and was about the size and shape of a small clenched fist. I have photos of that one somewhere.

    • esarsea says:

      I keep telling myself that the faster we get through the next season and the next and the next, the faster things will improve for us all. I’ve been saying that for 3 years now and I’m only closer to the finish line than “better times,” it seems.

      That sure rings true for me Bill. It’s as if someone keeps turning up the speed on life’s treadmill. I’d just like to step off to one side for a little bit and catch my breath…

  4. Bill says:

    Thanks, Randy! You knew way more than I expected and that’s good. I’ve heard of the metal detector and nugget thing. There are no nuggets in Utah, only tiny flake gold. At $1,300 an oz., it’s almost worth getting into these days!

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September 2010

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